So the set of self-portraits entitled “From the End to the Beginning” can be, at first glance, a pretty bleak and depressing set of photos. There is a good reason for that, in that they are supposed to be “bleak and depressing”. The photos are displayed in chronological order (oldest to newest), as I was dealing with my marriage and my family falling apart piece by piece, day by day.
Some days were better than others. Some days were bad, but I somehow had the capacity to deal with things better on that given day. But on a lot of days, I had emotions that I had to deal with. Sometimes it was just an idea I wanted to convey about myself and my outlook on life. Other days, life was shit, and I had to use my photography to make me think about other things besides my shit life. When I was shooting, it forced me to stop thinking about life and think about the photo. That gave me the time to process my emotions more slowly, and think things through one bit at a time instead of all at once.
If I didn’t have to capacity or the reason to shoot, I’m not sure I would have made it through “the process” with my sanity. There were days where it was THAT CLOSE to the edge. But I DID make it through. That is why the set ENDS with “The Beginning”, because that’s what it is…a beginning of life for me. Every aspect seems new, even if they aren’t. The outlook is better, and I have learned to be grateful for what I DO have, because I have so much more than others.